Fate
What do you do when all hope is lost? When you don't know which way to go, if the decisions you made are right and worth the opportunity you let go, if the routine you spent all your time maintaining is going to be reward your effort, if it promises success like you'd hoped it would. What do you do to make sense of it all?
To make the days bearable and the hours shorter, you turned to fast dopamine, to the endless scrolling with your burning eyes deep into the night, delaying sleep as rewards, protecting what's left of yours while sacrificing both health and sanity. Vicious cycle is vicious because when you find yourself in one you are already in too deep, when you realised you're constantly exhausted, noticed the lack of appetite and the frantic binge happening simultaneously, when your insecurity is sky high and your will to live is at all time low, how do you fix it then when you are knees deep in the mud of doubts and regrets? Were you born broken into this broken world with no chance to rewrite your fate, is your future doomed by the comfortable choices you settled in?
Faith
In order to see the flowers bloom you have to start seeing; to hear the birds sing you have to listen. I've always thought I know myself best because I have been me my whole life, who else would know me better than I do? No one, but I also have to learn to know myself, like a friend you have to spend time with and pay attention to in order to know their stories. Arrogance made me took myself for granted, by ignoring and belittle what my heart is saying I adapt others' opinion as mine, chasing others' dream and life goals and treating them as religion, then wondering why I feel so miserable and betrayed.
Let the rain wash away the conflicts between the mind and the heart, have faith in tomorrow's sun to guide you towards the warmth. All the distractions and expectations from either the world or from your doubting voice, are just noises that confuses and mislead you, good thing is voices are easy to deal with because they are not real. Believe in yourself, you already have all the answers you're looking for in you.
